Losing someone you love changes everything, doesn’t it? It feels as though you’re carrying two worlds inside you. One is quiet and hidden—the deep ache that sometimes catches you off guard or feels so heavy it’s hard to breathe. That’s grief, your private experience of loss, the sadness that lives in your heart. Then there’s the other part—the part that others can see. That’s mourning, the way you express that grief, whether by speaking about them, crying with a friend, or even just taking a quiet moment each day to remember. Both grief and mourning are natural responses to loss, and learning to understand the difference between grieving and mourning can make this journey a bit more manageable. It lets you know that you’re allowed to feel all of this and that there’s no wrong way to experience loss.
Understanding Grief and Mourning
When we’re grieving, we’re often holding onto so much all at once. Grief and mourning are words we hear a lot, but each holds a unique meaning. Grief is that private experience—the profound sadness, confusion, or numbness we feel deep inside, often hidden from the world. Mourning, on the other hand, is how we let that grief come to the surface—how we allow ourselves to show the world what we’re carrying.
Through my own journey with loss, I’ve come to see that grief and mourning work hand in hand. Grief was often a quiet, private weight, showing up in unexpected moments. But mourning allowed me to share memories, reflect, and honor my loved ones openly. Letting myself mourn outwardly gave me room to release some of the weight, helping me move forward without hiding what I was going through.
Let’s look closer at these experiences together to better understand the path you’re on, too.
Grief: The Internal Experience of Loss
Grief is personal, raw, and entirely your own. It’s the space inside where your memories and the ache of missing someone live. Grief can feel quiet, like a shadow over your days, or intense, with waves of sadness, anger, or even guilt. It’s a reminder that profound sadness is a natural part of this process. Sometimes it feels like a weight you carry alone, and other times, it’s that feeling that makes everything seem just a little bit harder. But this grief is yours; it’s your heart finding its way through something unimaginable. And it’s okay if it feels confusing or overwhelming—grief isn’t meant to follow a tidy path. Whatever you’re feeling is exactly what you need to feel right now.
Mourning: The Outward Expression of Grief
Mourning is how you allow yourself to show the world what’s happening inside. It’s not for anyone else’s benefit; it’s for you. It could be attending a memorial, sharing a memory, or wearing something in their honor. Mourning might feel vulnerable, but it’s also a way of saying, “This person mattered to me.” When you mourn, you let others see your loss, which can bring a sense of comfort and support. It’s a chance for those around you to witness your grief and to share in it, helping you feel a little less alone.
The Difference Between Grieving and Mourning
Grief is what happens inside, and mourning is the way we give voice to that grief. Understanding mourning vs grief helps highlight how each part of loss plays a unique role in healing. While grief may be something you carry privately, mourning allows you to share that weight, giving others a way to support you. Both of these parts of loss are important, and together they create a fuller path toward healing. Mourning doesn’t remove the grief; it simply allows you to release some of its weight in ways that feel meaningful.
How Grief and Mourning Complement Each Other
Grief and mourning are like two sides of the same coin, each helping you in a different way. Grief lets you feel the depth of your loss, honoring what that person meant to you. Mourning, though, allows you to express it, creating space for healing. One day, you may find yourself alone with your memories, while another day, you might feel ready to share a story or a tear with someone who understands. When you allow yourself to both grieve and mourn, you’re honoring every aspect of your pain in intense grief, which can gently open the way for healing.
Mourning as a Pathway to Processing Grief
Mourning allows us to share the truth of our loss with the world, allowing others to see and support you in it. When you mourn, whether through a formal ritual or a quiet, personal moment, you’re telling yourself, “This person mattered to me, and this loss is real.” Mourning doesn’t take away the pain, but it can make it feel a little lighter by letting others in, giving space for both grief and mourning to bring comfort and release.
Why Mourning Is Essential for Healing
For some, mourning can feel too vulnerable or unnecessary, especially in a world that doesn’t always understand loss. But mourning is an important step in giving yourself permission to feel, to remember, and to let the world know that this relationship was precious. Mourning softens the weight of grief by allowing others to witness your journey, offering support when you need it. It’s here that you can see the difference between grieving and mourning in your own healing journey. This doesn’t mean the pain disappears, but it reminds you that you don’t have to carry it alone.
Why It’s Important to Acknowledge Both Grief and Mourning
Sometimes we carry grief so tightly inside that it becomes difficult to process, while mourning can feel like a way of loosening that grip, even just a little. But both are essential: grief gives us a chance to feel the depth of what’s happened, and mourning allows us to move with it, to let that pain be seen and understood. When we create space for both, we give ourselves permission to heal.
Honoring Your Unique Grief and Mourning Journey
Your experience of grief and mourning is uniquely yours, shaped by the love you felt and the life you shared. Maybe you’re someone who prefers to hold these feelings close, or maybe you need the support of others to feel seen. Either way, this is your journey, and it doesn’t need to look any certain way. Trust yourself in this process. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve or mourn, and it’s okay to experience both mourning and profound sadness.
Sometimes, it can feel difficult to give ourselves permission to grieve and mourn. Loss isn’t something we just get over, take your time with this. Let yourself feel the grief that rises up, and give yourself space to mourn in whatever ways feel true to you. These moments are about honoring the relationship you had, the love you shared, and the part of you that will forever hold onto that bond.
When we don’t allow ourselves to grieve or mourn, that pain often finds other ways to show up. Suppressing grief can lead to feelings of resentment, anxiety, or even a deep sense of exhaustion. Over time, avoiding these emotions can make healing more difficult.
Practical Ways to Engage in Grieving and Mourning
Engaging in both grieving and mourning doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes, it’s simply about finding small, intentional ways to express your feelings and honor the person you’ve lost. Practicing what I call “controlled grief” can be helpful here—a method where you allow yourself specific times or spaces to feel your grief fully, without being overwhelmed by it day-to-day. This approach lets you engage with your grief gradually, in moments that feel safe, while still allowing yourself to function in everyday life.
Creating personal rituals, setting aside reflective moments, or finding tangible ways to remember them can all play a part. Let’s look at a few ideas that might help you connect with these feelings in a gentle way. There isn’t a strict path or “12 stages of grief” to follow—grief is unique to each of us, unfolding in its own way and time.
Creating Personal Rituals for Mourning
Rituals offer a structure for honoring your emotions. This might mean lighting a candle each evening, writing letters to your loved one, or simply spending time with something they cherished. In controlled grief, these rituals provide a safe boundary around your mourning, giving you space to connect with your loss without feeling consumed by it.
Memorials, Journals, and Physical Mementos
Keeping a journal can be a grounding way to process grief. Some days, you might write letters to your loved one; other times, you might record reflections or memories. Physical mementos like photographs or personal items can serve as comforting reminders of their presence. By allowing yourself these moments of reflection, you create a gentle way to stay connected while honoring the love you still hold.
The Role of Mourning in Releasing Emotions
Mourning often feels like a release, and controlled grief can help you let go of some of that weight. Whether it’s allowing yourself to cry, talk openly with a friend, or take a few minutes alone, this intentional expression gives grief a place to be seen and felt, helping you process in a way that feels more manageable. Remember, you don’t have to rush—mourning lets you work through grief at your own pace.
Seeking Support in Grief and Mourning
My own journey of confronting grief has taught me that grieving and mourning are incredibly heavy to carry on your own. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is reach out for support, whether that’s from loved ones, a counselor, or a grief group. You might feel like no one could fully understand what you’re going through, but connecting with others can create a sense of comfort and understanding that makes it easier to keep moving forward.
When to Seek Help From Grief Counseling
If you’ve noticed that your grief feels overwhelming, or if it’s affecting your ability to do even the small things in life, it might be time to reach out for help. Grief counseling is a space where you’re free to talk, feel, and even question everything without judgment. A counselor can help you sort through both the inner pain of grief and the outward expression of mourning, creating a balance that feels a little less isolating.
How Grief Counseling Supports Both Grief and Mourning
Grief counseling provides a safe space to explore both your private feelings and the ways you express them. In counseling, you have room to share the depth of your grief and to discover personal ways to mourn that feel right for you. A counselor can help you understand how these two experiences—grieving and mourning—work together to create a fuller, more complete path toward healing.
Finding Safe Spaces for Expression and Healing
Healing from grief often requires spaces that feel safe, places where you can truly be yourself, unguarded and authentic. Grief retreats and supportive communities are designed to offer that space—where you don’t need to “perform” your grief or worry about holding it together for anyone else. These retreats and communities gather people who understand the experience of loss firsthand and can offer genuine compassion without judgment.
With our Grief Intensive you’ll find others who’ve walked a similar path and are ready to sit with you in your grief. The shared understanding of loss creates a deep sense of comfort and belonging, allowing you to share memories, emotions, or even moments of silence with people who can hold space for you just as you are.
Moving Forward with Grief and Mourning
As you move forward, you may notice yourself carrying grief and mourning a little differently, perhaps allowing both the sadness and love to coexist in ways that feel natural.
For me, understanding the difference between grieving and mourning has helped me honor both the quiet, internal sorrow and the more visible ways I express it—without feeling pressure to “move on” or find closure. If you’re searching for guidance on how to make space for these feelings, exploring supportive resources like our free grief course and our Grief Intensive can be transformative. These structured paths create a compassionate space for you to walk through your grief while finding moments of peace and connection. I know from experience that having community support can make all the difference on this journey. If the weight of loss feels heavy, or if you’re ready to explore it more deeply, consider watching my personal story through my grief documentary, where I share reflections and tools to help you navigate loss and healing. Today, I invite you to take a compassionate step forward on your own grief journey, honoring each part of yourself along the way.