Have you ever had that moment where you stop what you’re doing and take a second to look, really look, at your life and realise you have no idea what to do with it?
That moment could be on a random Tuesday while folding that tall pile of laundry, or maybe its more of a persistent jab at the back of your head everyday.
You look at your career, your relationships, even your favorite hobbies and feel… nothing. Or worse, dread. And it leaves you wondering:
What am I even doing?
Who am I doing it for?
And how do I get out of this stuck feeling without blowing up my life?
If any of that hits a little too close to home, you’re in the right place. And before you brace yourself, I’m not here to sell you a cliche that looks a lot like toxic positivity.
Let’s do it a little differently. Let’s try a gentle unpacking of what this fog really is, and how to move through it without losing yourself even more.
Let’s start with the truth: It’s completely normal to feel lost
Take a good look at everyone around you — do you think they don’t feel lost and like they have no idea what they’re doing?
You’re not the first person in the world to feel like this, and you definitely won’t be the last.
We’re not born with perfect little guidebooks on how to successfully do life. So this feeling of being completely lost? A big part of being human. Especially when you bring in all the different flavors of challenges life throws at you.
Most often, the most “logical” way to cope looks like running on autopilot for so long that stopping to even take a breath feels like an actual crisis. (Spoiler: It’s not a crisis. It’s an invitation.)
We live in a world that tells us we should know what we want by age 22, achieve it by 30, and glow while doing it — as if real life isn’t full of detours, grief, burnout, financial pressure, and emotional exhaustion.
So if you find yourself looking around and wondering how the hell you got here… you’re not alone. You’re in the middle of something big and brave — the moment where you question whether the ladder you’ve been climbing is even leaning against the right wall.
And that? That’s far from failure.
How the pressure to figure it all out is making you even more confused
You’ve probably heard a version of this before: “Just find your passion and go for it.” Or worse: “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”
And while that does sound like lovely advice at first, you soon realise that often it’s utterly useless.
Here’s the thing: most people don’t figure it all out. They just make the next honest decision, they choose what feels most tolerable, and they take it from there.
This pressure to know your One True Purpose is ridiculously paralyzing. It makes you second-guess everything. and overanalyze every interest, turn every random hobby into a side hustle, and end up scrolling job boards like you’re playing emotional roulette.
So if you’re feeling stuck, it might not be because you’re lost. It might just be because you’ve internalized the belief that “not knowing” is unacceptable… But it’s really not.
In fact, this space of uncertainty is where your real life begins — the one that’s not just built on survival or expectations, but on you.
Try this: What do you absolutely not want from your life?
Seriously. Maybe you won’t get clarity from chasing that highly specific dream, maybe you’ll get it by doing something you absolutely end up hating and drawing a hard line in the sand saying “Absolutely not. Not this. Never again.”
Let’s start small: What drains you? What makes your chest feel tight, your jaw clench, your soul wanting to disappear into the floor?
It could be something as simple as:
I don’t want to spend my life in traffic.
I don’t want to feel invisible in my own relationships.
I don’t want to wake up dreading every single day.
I don’t want to keep pretending to be a version of myself that I don’t even like.
When you follow these hard no’s long enough, you’ll soon start walking towards a place that’s softer, more peaceful, and more true to who you really are.
So if you’re sitting there spiraling about your purpose, stop and flip the script.
Write down 3 things you know for sure you don’t want in your life anymore. Not because it’ll give you all the answers, but because it’ll clear just enough noise to let your own voice come through.
And sometimes, that’s the first real step out of the fog.
Look Towards the Things That Make You Feel Warm and Lovely
Let’s scrap the ten-year plan right now and lower our expectations for how much utility you can get out of a single article.
Perhaps let’s start here: What makes you feel warm?
Not in a “save the world with your gifts” kind of way. I mean the small, ordinary things. The stuff that makes your shoulders drop a little. The things that feel like taking a nice long breath.
Maybe it’s the way early morning light hits your floor.
Maybe it’s taking every sad and forgotten item in your fridge and feeling like a brilliant witch as you dump them into a pan in the effort to make a nice comforting dish.
Maybe it’s that one podcast that makes you laugh-snort in public.
Maybe it’s that strange peace you feel when walking aimlessly through a bookstore, and the exciting possibility that perhaps you will make a new paper friend today.
You see how none of these things are your career or your life’s purpose? Because the point here is to build your compass and start noticing things that make you feel more like you. Not the anxious, overachieving, emotionally-fried version of you… but the version that feels most alive in your own skin.
So if you’re feeling lost, try chasing warmth instead of answers. You might just find yourself in the process.
Is Your Career Making You Feel This Way? Let’s Separate Life from Your Job
Okay, real talk: your job isn’t your soul. Oftentimes, it’s just a paycheck and a place you clock in and out—nothing more, nothing less.
But when you’re lost, it’s easy to look at your 9‑to‑5 and think, “My life is defined by this grind,” especially if the highlight of your week is hitting send on a Friday afternoon.
So let’s do a little experiment:
- Does your job light any small spark in you?
Even a tiny one—like the glitch that gets your heart rate up (the good kind), or a co‑worker who makes you laugh. - Does it consistently feel like a lead weight?
Are you dragging yourself to your desk, brain fog hitting before your first sip of coffee? - Do you check your phone on a weekend and feel a pinch of relief when you remember you don’t need to respond?
If you answered “no, yes, yes” then congratulations—you’ve found one of the things you don’t want in your life. And that’s useful data.
That job doesn’t have to be your worst enemy… but it also doesn’t have to be The Thing either. It is completely valid for a job to just be a resource that supports other parts of your life — like meeting friends and buying those video games and getting your mother flowers or (and here’s a big one) paying rent so you can snuggle up with your cat in your home.
Here’s your prompt: take ten minutes today and write down your honest feelings about work. “What role does this play in supporting me—not my resume, not other people’s expectations, but me?”
Let yourself figure out whether this needs to change, or just be put in its place.
Are the People Around You Making You Feel Bad About Yourself?
Let’s keep it honest: it’s not just your job that can make you feel lost in your life, it can also be the people you share your time with. Because sometimes, the wrong company can dim your spark faster than a blackout.
So ask yourself:
- Are your closest friendships lifting you or weighing you down?
Do you feel seen and supported, or like you’re constantly shrinking to fit in? - Do you dread family events more than enjoy them?
If you’re leaving gatherings feeling small or misunderstood, that’s a red flag. - Is comparison creeping in?
Noticed yourself scrolling, then winced because your own life suddenly feels lacking? That’s a sign.
And here’s the thing: people can be toxic even when they’re not jerks. It doesn’t make them horrible people who deserve the worst, it just means that there’s a misalignment of energy or expectations between the two of you. And regardless of the why of this mismatch, what holds true is that you deserve relationships that don’t make your chest feel tight.
So here’s your prompt:
Pick one person in your circle and reflect on how you feel afterward. Energized? Drained? Neutral? If it’s draining, maybe it’s time to pull back and reassess.
Ask Better Questions
Forget the “What’s my purpose?” trap. That question is like asking the universe for a slam-dunk… you’ll be waiting forever.
Instead, try:
- “What’s one small thing I can try this week?”
A new coffee shop. A dance class. A podcast that makes your heart beat a little harder. - “What part of my day feels the most like me?”
Early morning calm? A laugh with a friend? Mid-afternoon alone time? - “What am I avoiding finding out?”
Maybe it’s fear, uncertainty, or the idea that your life can change in smaller, unnoticed ways.
Asking better questions shifts the energy from paralysis to purpose. Not final answers—just helpful signs.
If all those questions still leave you tangled, remember you don’t have to sort the mess alone— that’s exactly what the Mentally STRONG Intensive is for.
…And Move Away from Toxic Positivity
We’re sold the idea that we have to be unrelentlessly happy and positive to make our life worth something, and this misconception isn’t doing anyone any good. And if you’re hurting and you’re telling yourself that you just need to be positive to get through it — congratulations, you’re slapping a Band-Aid over a broken bone.
Try this instead:
🚫 “Everything happens for a reason.”
✅ “This sucks, and I might not know why. But I’m still here.”
🚫 “Just stay positive!”
✅ “It’s okay to feel crappy right now. You’re allowed.”
You don’t have to fix your feelings. You just have to allow them. It’s both brave and essential.
Parting Note: Timelines Are a Trap
We live like life came with its own stopwatch—“by 30, I’ll…” “In two years, I must…” —and that pressure bulldozes your soul.
This is the wisdom I part with: All timelines are optional.
And yes, I mean even the ones you’ve engraved on your heart and recite to yourself each night before going to bed. You’re allowed to go slow, to course-correct, and to wander.